Joke Too Far
by Tohno-kun
Summary: Code Geass Saying the wrong thing at the wrong time leaves Lelouch in a real pinch, but with a whole score of girls after him, maybe it's not so bad. Maybe. The Original LelouchxHarem
1. Oops

**Disclaimer: Code Geass and its characters are the respective properties of Sunrise and Clamp and I make no money from this at all. **

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Whoops  
Chapter 1  
Joke Too Far 

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"What were you thinking, Lelouch? Just because I was scared, you could get me to shoot you?" asked Euphie, looking at Lelouch confused at what he had been trying to do. She knew him, she knew how well he thinks things out but even she couldn't see the logic behind how he thought this would pan out. 

"Well, if I used my absolute order, you would have definitely done anything I said," replied Lelouch, deciding to joke around. "Give me a kiss, dance naked on stage. No matter what the order may be, you would have to—"

"Seriously, enough with your jokes" yelled Euphie, a slight blush on her face. Her thought being, 'Boy, Lelouch has gotten perverted lately…'

"No really, if I were to say, 'Make Love to me' you would have to do it" stated Lelouch like a matter of fact offhandedly. And without time for him to replenish his breath after saying that life changing sentence, Euphie had already jumped into his arms and crashed her lips to his causing him to fall backwards onto the control dashboard, not noticing the light which had turned on.

Frozen still, completely surprised by what was happening, he didn't actually start acting until he felt tongue to which he quickly pulled his face from hers and practically screamed, "Euphie, what are you doing!?"

His breath hitched however as he came to see the look in her eyes, completely filled with lust and her irises surrounded by a familiar reddish glow.

"Why silly, I'm making love to you. Now let's get you out of this stuffy jacket" explained Euphie as her hands worked quickly to try to remove his clothing.

Lelouch was in absolute shock. What just happened here? Euphie has fallen prey to the Geass and now carrying out his 'orders' of making love to him. How? Wait, this needed more specific clarification. His half-sister, Euphie, is mentally being forced to do the down and dirty with him. Oh, this would be murder to explain away and his overworked brain was already sending messages that it was a lost cause and he should accept that he was well and truly fucked. Or he would be soon.

Jogged from his mental sniggers at the (lame) joke he just thought by a chilly breeze to his chest, his eyes lowered to see that Euphie had already gotten rid of his jacket and was just about to get to work on his trousers. It was at this point it was clear to Lelouch that he had to do less thinking and do something lest he be raped by the beautiful yet crazy at the moment (never mind the fact it was Lelouch's fault) Euphie.

His hands went and gripped Euphie by both wrists and held them up so her assault was assailed to which she just leaned forwards and snuggled her head onto his bare chest. He could even hear her purring. Finally having his brain reboot after this even more surreal turn in events, he was just about to try to talk himself out of this. Just about.

"What are you doing?"

The voice out of nowhere led his attention to C.C. who was just standing in his plain view over Euphie's shoulder. Like any person caught in a very compromising situation with their half-sister, his thoughts were just plainly, 'Shit!'

"Erm, well….. Er, you see, er…" stuttered Lelouch.

"You do know this is getting broadcast right?" stated C.C. her voice cold as she stared icily at Lelouch. He was panicking at the moment. This was worse than he thought. Televised! This was supposed to be televised near enough worldwide. Noticing that he was sitting on the control panel enlightened him on how this could have happened.

"I also wouldn't advise turning around as well. The only camera here is right behind you" continued C.C. His right hand snapped to his face and he realised that he had taken off his mask to negotiate with Euphie before and in a situation like this, his identity as Zero could have been ruined. He was about to look around for his mask when he felt a rough pressure around his head and found himself in the familiar presence of the inside of his mask.

Gruffly held by one arm, he was abruptly pried from Euphie's grip by C.C. who was now dragging him out of the room. She only looked back once to say to him, "We need to leave. And Now! And afterwards, we are going to have a long chat about what has been going on today."

Chills went down Lelouch's back, whether due to the sub zero tone C.C. was using with him or the fact he was sans anything waist up besides his mask. Whatever it was, more chills went up his spine when Euphie shouted out to their retreating forms, "Wait, I still have to make love to you!"

Yeah, they really needed to leave, and fast.

* * *

Outside in the stadium, thousands of the Japanese were just in plain shock over what they had just seen over the large screen in the centre. Some mothers were hiding the eyes of their children from the screen as soon as the words 'making love' were mentioned. Some of the men in the crowd were thinking, 'Zero scored some big time, but then he got caught. Harsh for him' 

Suzaku, alone on the field looking up at the events unfolding that would be seen worldwide, had his fist firmly clenched and his teeth were almost at breaking point at the pressure he was applying. Seriously, he looked pissed.

Dalton was in utter shock at how things were panning out and he seriously had no idea what to do next. The rest of the support staff were no better off.

Kirihara was just chuckling to himself. He had expected much from the boy but he certainly wasn't expecting anything like this at all. What he also wasn't expecting was seeing a shirtless Zero seemingly running for his life with his green haired supposed lover in tow. Everything just seemed so much more fun since he found out Lelouch was still alive.

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Getting his bearings back and realising how cold it really was without his jacket, Lelouch was running as fast as he could towards the Gawain which would mean his inevitable escape from this sordid mess. He thought that he and C.C. would be able to escape without any problems at all as everyone seemed to still be in shock from what they had witnessed being broadcasted, until he looked back over his shoulder and saw Euphie had just emerged from the entrance they had just used and she looked like she had her prey in her sights. 

"Guards! Anyone! Capture and detain Zero before he can escape before I can make love to him!" screamed out Euphie, only causing Lelouch to run even faster. The guards after getting over their initial shock at what they heard went after Zero but unluckily for them, he was already climbing into the Gawain.

Suzaku was slightly coming to his senses and had stopped staring at the big screen, choosing instead to stare evilly at the frantic Zero.

Lelouch was hard pressed at even activating the Gawain as he was panicking so much at getting away. In the end, C.C. had to take over all the controls and pilot completely as the Gawain made like a bat out of hell. In the safety of their Knightmare Frame, C.C. decided to start off their little chat there and then.

"I wouldn't think you would have gone so far" she muttered loud enough for Lelouch to hear behind her.

"It certainly wasn't my intention to" was Lelouch's bitter reply accompanied by the sound of his helmet discarded. She took a glance back and gasped as she realised why he had his Geass activated; he was no like Mao and had no control over his power now.

"What am I supposed to do now?" shouted Lelouch as he slammed his fist into the dashboard beside him.

"How about an eye patch" stated C.C. offhandedly to which Lelouch could only stare at the pure simplicity of it to which he stuttered an "Okay" a few moments afterwards.

'Yes, Lelouch will wear a sexy eye patch. Score!' thought C.C. as a large smile spread on her face, unnoticed by Lelouch who was still a little dazed.

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Somewhere in Kyoto, Kaguya was staring at a television screen looking like she was going to kill someone. Her thoughts were something like, 'How dare those bitches think they could take my hubby away!? Oh this calls for some serious action…' 

The rest of the people in the room started moving away from her as an evil aura and evil laughter started being emitted from the short girl.

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Kallen was just left there fuming as she went over the video feed of what she missed as she was in stand by waiting for Zero's signal if he needed any help. Her thoughts were something like, 'Oh great, there's another one. If I ever get my hands on here, I'll bloody kill her. The damn Britainian Princess!' 

He team mates who were roaming around her just chose to ignore Kallen's show of even more hatred than usual and the fact that C.C. wasn't even there.

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Euphie was starting up a Knightmare Frame she was planning to use to make her way to Ashford Academy before Lelouch could so she could surprise him and then jump him in his surprised state. Her thoughts at the moment were along the lines of things that would only be censored at this point.

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Lelouch felt a huge shiver run up his spine. He couldn't help but think that something bad was going to happen to him. And soon.

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End Chapter 1

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**Author's Note: Yuh, I'm back from a long time into Fan Fiction. And rather than start on my old stories, I just had to start a new one (silly me). For those who were hoping for an update for my old stories, I will have a look and try to write some more. No promises though. Now to this fic, after watching the infamous MAD of the Code Geass H-game opening and from a blog post or here commenting on episode 22, this idea came to me. Working it out, this was what I got. Hope you enjoy and hopefully I'll do more.**

**Deranged**

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	2. Oh dear, here we go again

Chapter 2 - Oh dear, here we go again

"So that is why with great regret that I will undertake this super secret stealth mission by myself and leave Ougi in charge until the time in which I return from hidi—I mean when I return from accomplishing said mission" explained Zero. A hand rose up from one of the members of the Order of the Black Knights.

"So this hiding thing, it has nothing to do with the Britainnian Princess out there who seems to be out for your body?" anonymous member number fourteen said.

"Indeed. All of that was all quite coincidental and has nothing to do with my mission at all. Now are there any questions before I continue?"

Instantly there was a whole meeting room of raised hands, to which Lelouch was very confused about as he thought he had explained himself impeccably as always. He pointed to one of those nearer the front.

"What is the deal with you and Princess Euphiemia?" started anonymous member number four, which led to everyone else yelling out their own questions.

"Yeah, what the hell is going on?"

"How is she, then?" yelled one member with eyebrows raised.

"Since when did this start then?"

"So why did you do it? Trouble with the Mrs?" asked one, eying C.C. who was standing in one corner. To this comment, it almost looked like her eye was twitching, but that obviously was a trick of the light or some strange phenomenon.

"I repeat now that there is nothing happening between me and the Princess, and what occurred on television was a big misunderstanding which was probably aimed to undermine my status and weaken what I stand for" announced Zero, as he turned his back to them with a flourish and left the room with C.C. following closely behind him.

Reaching the door, he took one glance back and said, "I hope I will be able to see all of you soon."

To them, he looked like a man walking to his doom.

Strangely enough Kallen was not at the meeting. She would sorely regret that.

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"Hm, he doesn't seem to be home yet" stated Euphie as she paced the dining room of Lelouch's place. "And Nunally doesn't seem to be around either. Oh well, I can go and prepare to surprise Lelouch in his room."

She marched upstairs and on finding the room that looked the most like Lelouch's, she went to taking off all of her clothing and rested herself under the covers and waited. Too bad, she didn't know that Lelouch hadn't slept in his bed for ages due to another tenant.

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Shirley was starting and stuttering at what she had just seen on screen. She thought, 'So they are together. And Lelouch is Zero, then, then –'

"Yeah, I know. All of this is surprising. Who would have thought, Zero and Princess Euphiemia together? I thought that speech she made at the school festival was kind of suspicious; perhaps it has been going on for longer than even before that. Makes you think about whose idea it was really for this whole independent state" commented Rivalz.

"That's all interesting and all, but I really want to know why she's with a man who has admitted to killing her brother? Oh the life and loves of the royal family have never been so intriguing" purred Millay, ecstatic at these new turn in events.

In fact, she was more than ecstatic, she was even relieved. Kept secret from all, known only to Millay, was her long standing crush on the enigmatic Lelouch. She could handle Shirley and the others at school, being close enough to know who he really was but with Euphie back in the picture, she was unsure of her chances if she could just pick up her courage and tell him about her feelings. Even though Euphie seemed to have a special attachment to Suzaku, when she reunited with Lelouch Millay could see from where she was spying on them how utterly happy they were in each other's presence.

With the history between them and even up against the half-siblings issues, Millay was willing to bet that she would lose out and that was scaring her. Now however, she was relieved. She has suspected Euphie may have loved Suzaku and thus free up Lelouch but she wasn't expecting this scandal with Zero.

She was interrupted from her reverie by a question from Rivalz, "Hey, has anyone seen Nina?"

Come to think about it, they hadn't seen the excessively shy girl since see the whole incident was televised, and was now worrying about how she could be taking it. Stopping for a moment, she then dismissed the thought. After all, how much trouble could one girl get into anyways?

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"Why do we have to look around the room for this eye patch? Couldn't we just walk into a store and buy one if it's going to be this hard to find it?" asked Lelouch, as he was moving around their room in their amazing portable base, the one with the green pillows.

"Because you can't walk into a store with that perma-geassed eye of yours now, can you?" called back C.C. rummaging through one of the cupboards that were embedded in the wall.

'Shit, I have really been off my game lately.'

"Wait, why would you even have an eyepatch anyways?"

"Because I foresaw such an eventuality and deemed it necessary to prepare for such an occasion" retorted C.C. 'For the kinky pirate sex yes, but it would help for this situation too I suppose', she thought to herself.

"Well, don't just stand around, keep looking. Have a rummage in those drawers over there" she snapped back.

'Damn witch, giving me orders now...' thought Lelouch as his hands went automatically through the drawers. Feeling around, he grasped upon something that piqued his interest. A piece of fabric, attached to some string; perfect, he had found that damned eyepatch.

Starting to tie it around his head, he called out to C.C., "Alright, I found it."

She spun at his words and stopped moving immediately on seeing him. Her eyes widened and she was blushing. Startled by the unexpected reaction, he reached up to adjust the position of the eyepatch upon his face when his fingers came upon a unfamiliar material. 'What's this?... Lace?'

"I'm not wearing an eyepatch, am I?" he slowly queried when the realisation finally dawned on him.

"No."

"I should take this off then, shouldn't I?"

"Yes."

"Alright, I am going to put on these sunglasses and go to the store and get an eyepatch for myself then."

"That would be best."

Awkwardly removing the garment from his head making sure he did not look at it, he made a beeline out the door with as much dignity as he could muster.

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Making it back to his place with C.C. in tow, both awkwardly averting their eyes from each other. Him, because of the embarrassing incident that was their last meeting. Her, because he was just so sexy to her in an eyepatch. Going their separate ways as they got to the landing, Lelouch off for a shower and C.C. into their room to sleep after such an exhausting day.

Alone in the room, she changed to her usual sleeping clothes which pretty much just equated to Lelouch's shirt. All the better to entice Lelouch with I guess.

Getting into the bed and reaching for her Cheese-kun, she was definitely surprised when it hugged her back. Even more surprised when she felt lips clasped upon her own.

Lelouch made his way back into the room, slightly embarrassed at the slight mistake he made of forgetting a change of clothes for his shower, only to stop dead in his tracks at what he was was seeing in his bed. Euphie was on top of C.C. furiously making out with her. She looked so into it, probably why Euphie had not yet realised that it was not Lelouch she was getting it on with.

C.C.'s wide eyes spotted Lelouch, and she managed a muffled shriek of help. Euphie being encouraged by the girlish shrieks of delight she became more vigorous with her amorous assault.

Meanwhile Lelouch slowly backed out of the room as quietly as he could, mouthing to C.C., 'I'm sorry, I'm so sorry... I'll make it up, I swear.'

Euphie had finally come up for air now and said to the breathless C.C., "Oh Lelouch, I love your little struggle for dominance there, how obvious it is the passion you feel for me, the wonderful feeling of your breasts pressed against... mine?"

Stopping, opening her eyes for the first time since the elicit encounter began, she was quite surprised to find that her bedmate wasn't the stunning specimen of virile manliness that was her half brother.

"Wait, you're not Lelouch" she finally said. Looking up at the doorway, she spotted him trying to make his stealthy escape. "Oh there you are!"

It was at this point that Lelouch gave up all pretences of the calm and collected persona he usually showed. He ran.

He ran with his dignity in tatters.

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**Author's Note:**

**Oh boy, has it really been nearly three years since I last updated this fic (or for that matter any fic). May I just say, it literally took my friend coming to me and beating me over the head to get me to finally get around to finishing this chapter off. Had about half of it done for years now.**

**Please note this line, 'the stunning specimen of virile manliness that was her half brother' does not represent my personal view on Lelouch. Just thought I would clarify that...**


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